I have a confession.
I’m a total people pleaser. I have FOMO and I self-induce stressing myself out because I love being a part of things. I’ve been this way as long as I can remember.
I love meeting new people, I love learning and I love taking on new opportunities.
But I remember my own mother telling me to slow down and to stop overloading myself. Even to date I can hear saying, “Lauren you’re taking too much on and you’re going to get yourself sick.”
I hate to admit it, but she was totally right. She’s a smart woman but I never seemed to listen, ha.
So here we are. I’ve said yes to too many things and now they have piled up. Now I have TOO much going on and I can’t actually focus on what is really important: myself. I’m a huge advocate for self-care yet I’m actually working against myself by overcommitting. Something’s gotta give.
I say yes because in the heat of the moment it seems like a good idea. If you’re anything like me (and I know I’m not alone in this), you’ve bitten off more than you can chew.
Schedule is booked morning to night. Running from this to that, not stopping to actually take in the moment. Yet in the midst of it all I’m constantly telling your kid “No, don’t do that. No, that’s not a good idea. No, you can’t do that right now.”
Why am I not practicing what I’m preaching? Why am I NOT telling myself, “No Lauren that’s not a good idea right now?”
Am I telling my kid “no” because I’ve stressed myself and now I’m taking it out on him? Am I using him as some sort of deflection? Am I repeatedly saying no because I’m trying to stay on schedule (due to my own fault) and his curiosity is slowing us down?
Well that doesn’t seem fair.
At what point do I start to slow it down to take it all in? I should start saying no to other people and start saying yes to him.
Why is it as moms we tend to overload ourselves? Why do we feel the need to take on EVERYTHING?
Maybe it’s because we try and prove it to ourselves. Maybe it’s because we know (or feel like) we do it better. Or maybe it’s because we feel obligated.
Let’s be honest—sometimes we forget we are super women and after giving birth we are totally capable of pretty much anything, am I right?
So let’s do this. Let’s be OK with saying NO!
The Art of Saying No
“It’s only by saying ‘NO’ that you can concentrate on the things that are really important” Steve Jobs.
Think about it this way: by taking on too much you can’t put any value behind what you really want to focus on. You are spread thin and you can’t be GREAT at ALL the things. So you need to ask yourself: Is this bringing me joy? Is this bringing me growth? Does this contribute to my goals?
Saying no to certain opportunities is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. By saying no you are focusing on yourself and allowing yourself to dive into the goals that you want NOW.
Saying no means you are putting yourself first. Declining an opportunity means you are adding value to your time. Not taking too much on allows you to focus on yourself and to be the best version of yourself.
Opportunities come and go. There will always be another door that will open down the road, usually bigger and better!
It’s All About Balance
Let’s talk life balance. When you overload yourself something has to eventually give.
I’m a true believer that life is all about balance and moderation is the key. You can’t never have fun, and on the flip side you can’t always have fun.
Say yes, but also say no. Let your kid fail, let your kid learn. By saying no to them all the time they will never understand WHY you’re actually saying no!
Apply this to your own life. Match the yeses with the noes.
When you think you can take on one more thing that’s probably when you need to start saying no.
With your yeses, make sure you can time manage without being stressed out. If you find yourself losing focus that’s your sign that you’ve taken too much on.
This is really about learning your boundaries. It’s about valuing yourself and your time.
It’s about teaching yourself to find your limitations and teaching your kids it’s ok to fail; not in a super harmful way, but in a way that helps them grow and understand THEIR boundaries.
Identify your goals, find your value, and know that it’s ok to sometimes say no.