I wear a lot of different hats.
I know I am not alone in that. I am a mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, doctor, business owner, teacher, blogger, schedule manager, baby-sitter finder, laundry queen, house cleaner, meal planner, child of God, etc. But also, I am Tiffany.
Somewhere, among the different things I do, I also need time to BE. But how in the world can I be the best mom, wife, and everything else all of the time?
There are days that I feel like I am awesome!
Like I have this work/life balance thing down. I cleaned several rooms, started laundry, played with my dog and daughter before taking her to daycare.
I ate a healthy lunch then went to work to spend the afternoon serving amazing patients with the right mindset before coming home on time, eating dinner with my family and spending the evening snuggling with my handsome husband.
Some days, I wear my hats well. And I look damn good.
I’ll be honest. Sometimes I suck. At all of it.
Like literally every role I have that day I fail at. I’m not listening to my husband which leads to arguments or schedule mix-ups or both. I spend time on my phone when I should be intentional about my time with my daughter.
I haven’t worked out in weeks and have eaten fast food to the point that I am embarrassed to admit how often, and worse than that I feel like I am dragging because my health and energy are crap.
I am late to get to my office so I didn’t get everything prepped for my patients that I needed to. I didn’t get grades posted for the class I teach and I missed my deadline for the blog I was writing.
I haven’t taken time to pray or even just feel connected to God unless I want something. My house is a disaster zone. There are piles of laundry that may be clean, but they have been sitting there for a week.
And it feels like it all happens at once.
I am not doing ANYTHING well. I failed at everything. I suck. I have even found myself yelling those words to my husband. “I KNOW. I SUCK!”
It’s funny that as I was searching for an image that depicted the failure I feel during those kind of days, I found pictures of people sitting in isolated places, head in their hands, alone. If only I could be alone to reflect and learn from these days.
A more accurate picture would be me, almost crying, sitting on a messy floor with my toddler pulling on me or yelling for me to get her”nacks,” husband in the background looking thoroughly annoyed at me.
As a parent, it’s not like you can just take off a few days and sit and feel your failure. At the end of the day we are still on-duty for something.
If a kid isn’t waking up, we have dishes to wash, budgets to work out, spouses to focus on, laundry to fold, prepping for tomorrow, or something else.
So how can we recover?
I am a work in progress, but I have done a lot of listening and learning to those more experienced (a/k/a failed more times than me) so that I can better myself, so I can be the best at whatever series of hats I wear at that particular moment, and so I can still be the best and most true version of Tiffany.
This is what I have learned.
Pat your back on the good days. This is a big one. Celebrate the days when you rocked it. Physically reach back and pat yourself on the back. Make a margarita, call a friend and tell them how awesome you are. Because. You. Are. Awesome.
On the bad days, acknowledge the suck. We are human. There will be days where everything, and I do mean everything, goes wrong. You suck, your spouse sucks, your kids suck, the person on I25 sucks. Your reactions will be less than ideal and overall you fail for the day. Accept it. Sometimes you suck.
Apologize for what needs to be apologized for. But don’t over apologize. This is important! Don’t make excuses, but when it is warranted, tell the person you wronged that you’re sorry. Females especially tend to over-apologize so understand the difference between a true apology and just saying it. That might have to be a whole different blog so for now, just keep this in mind.
Find a reset. You don’t have to run off to the mountains (although it’s a great thing to do). Figure out what works for you; take 10 seconds to breathe, journal, pray, bake, do yoga, or work out. Find something that allows you to reflect, learn, and start fresh.
Resolve to make tomorrow be a better day. Maybe make a list of the things you are trying to do differently. If you need to prep more for the coming day, do it. Find a morning routine that starts you off with a positive mindset, preferably with coffee.
There are a few things I want to add before I end. If it is the middle of the day or still the morning, you do not have to write it off as a “bad day”. Find your reset RIGHT NOW. Kick the rest of your day in the butt. You have that power!
If you have several things you want to change to be a better version of yourself, make the changes slowly. Baby steps! If you start 25 new things on Monday, how likely are you to stick with any of them? Pick one or two and make them habits.
After a few weeks, you may be ready to change a few other things. There are always things we want to do better. Give yourself some grace.
If you are feeling like you sucked today, or even this whole week, know that you are not alone. Sometimes we suck, and that has to be okay. We don’t have to stay in the suck. We have the power to change that for ourselves.