I write speculative fiction.
I am about six chapters into writing a novel about an old woman who works in the magic of dark matter and a young boy she has to train, even though she doesn’t want to.
It takes me a lot of effort to find time to sit down and write, but when I do, my whole soul sort of starts on fire. I have no clue whether it’s good or not, yet. I try not to worry about that right now while I’m in the “first draft” stages of it.
I just enjoy immersing myself in the story and making things up for fun.
Surprisingly, that’s not the hard part about writing a novel. The hard part is telling other people that I write a completely made up story about a sorceress and her apprentice in the real world.
It’s not a “tribe” that is easy to find amongst my peer mothers. Luckily, I have found a few ladies who make it really easy to talk about, and a group of other supportive writers to let me share it with for review, but it took feeling comfortable saying the words “I’m writing a novel” out loud for me to find them.
That took a while.
Finding a Tribe
When I was in high school I was extremely shy.
I knew the kids I wanted to be friends with and I tried so hard to hang out with those kids any chance that I got. Most of them were nice and let me into their lunch circles, but I barely ever said two words. They never excluded me and even tried to include me in conversation, but I just laughed.
Like, that’s all I did.
I think somehow I felt like that was the best way to show those kids that I liked them, but I’m sure it got annoying having this constant giggle going on in the background after every comment made in the circle.
It wasn’t until my senior year that I finally embraced the fact that as nice as those guys were, I wasn’t myself around them. I had church friends I was close with, but they were all in grades younger than me.
I then had a beautiful and marvelous group of really intelligent and thoughtful students adopt me into their social circle. I was ever conscious until that point of what “rung” of popularity I was on, but these kids didn’t care. And they all liked the same things I liked, which made me feel normal.
It was at that point I realized how much I had needed that socially and how valuable it was to me.
That need for a “tribe” doesn’t go away when you’re a mom, and it took me probably ten years of parenting to figure that out.
Wave Your Freak Flag
It wasn’t that I didn’t have any friends until then, I definitely did. Friends that I had deep connections with too.
But I was also too shy to admit that I was a major geek at heart. That I loved playing strategy games with my husband and his brothers at family gatherings instead of sitting around and chatting (which I also LOVE doing and still do, but it’s hard for me to pass up playing 7 Wonders or Shadows Over Camelot when the opportunity presents itself).
That I would rather go see the latest Marvel movie in theaters than the latest RomCom. That I get secretly really excited when I find out what Hogwarts House you belong to.
The thing is, there are tons of other geek moms like me out there, I just was too scared to go looking for them for fear that they didn’t exist.
They definitely do. You know who you are. If you don’t wave your freak flag, no one will know what side you belong to.
I’m a Ravenclaw
Whatever it is that you’re into, make sure you talk about it with other moms. The right ones will sift through and you’ll figure out who you connect with.
As moms, it’s easy to find that solid SOLID base line of the day to day things we have in common, like potty training and pick-up/drop-off fiascos and the best way to get veggie straws out of your kids nose.
But make sure to toss in the other things you like too, like the latest book you read, your favorite new Netflix series, or the awesome tickets you have to your local ComiCon. You might get some vacant stares, but then you’ll find the ones that jump out at you too.
I hope you find the best group of rock climbing moms or political discussion moms or cake-baking moms, and stop feeling like you don’t fit in if you find yourself in the wrong group. The right ones are out there.
No matter what Hogwarts house you belong to, hit me up if you want a smashing game of Settlers of Catan or want to join me for a Good Omens premiere party at the end of May. I’m your gal, and proud of it!