It happened so slowly, we didn’t even realize it had happened, until one night I looked over and was surprised to see that I had a man sleeping next to me! I’m only slightly kidding. In all reality, I looked over and saw a man whom I loved and knew so well but I hadn’t really “seen” in so long.
I have been married 10 years and in that time my husband and I have moved across the country twice, traveled, explored, lived in apartments, houses, and his parent’s basement. We have had several different jobs, adopted two dogs and one cat…and had a baby.
We used to be so good at making time for one another. We had regular date nights, and took time to travel together. We talked all the time. And by that I mean, at least 10 phone calls a day while we were away from each other. Most everything we did, we did together and we had a blast.
Then we had a beautiful baby. Then I decided to start a business. Then his hours at work changed.
We became a team that just changed the baton during our “relay race.” We worked hard to make our life work but everything became about the baby, the business, or mindless life stuff.
It happened slowly, but then one day, I looked over and saw my husband sound asleep and realized we hadn’t been a “we” in awhile. We needed time to just sit and talk, and not just about the baby (because let’s be honest, that’s all you want to talk about).
So the next day I asked for a date night. He looked at me weirdly because we often have date nights, but that usually involves friends, or parties, or work stuff. But this time, I asked if we could just have time to ourselves. He again looked at me weirdly but then he smiled and said, “Ya, I think we need that.”
So. You guys. I’m married and I went on a date.
It was amazing. We started off having dinner at one of those places that makes you talk to each other. No TVs, no sports on, mood lighting, and amazing drinks. We ate our faces full and just talked like we used to.
We talked about the baby some, but we also talked about our jobs, our dreams, where we still want to travel, and about our upcoming vacation that is so badly needed.
We laughed at some of the other couples in the restaurant as we tried to make up stories about their lives, and about our waiter who had never tasted lamb before. I felt like I was on a first date again, but this time with my best friend.
We didn’t want it to end, so we went to a new bar in town and just had drinks. We talked with the owner and sat there, enjoying the time together while holding each other’s hands. And after that, we made our way across the street to grab dessert and coffee.
It was amazing how just one simple night helped us realign ourselves. It helped us focus on why we are a “we” and that we are just as important to our family as our little one. We don’t want to just be teammates, but we want to be the reason we are a team.
So mamas, don’t forget to date your other half. Self care is important, but so is we care. Grab a babysitter, a family member, or even a friend to watch the littles and make the time to spend time with your other half.
Go someplace where you have to interact. No movies or sports bars! Go where you can just be you guys for a little while. I promise, it’s worth it. You guys will feel more in sync and the things that can throw you off balance won’t seem so big.
Don’t let life get in the way of each other because it is so easy to put all the others things first. But in the end, just having one night alone together to remind yourselves that you are more than just parents may help you guys be better parents. I know it did for us!
Who knows, he may even ask you out on a second date (wink, wink)!